The Doppelganger Spell
by Purrsia
Summary: Inspired by a crack pairing challenge and idle chatroom talk, this break from serious tradition features AlluraCossack, told from Cossack's POV. If that doesn't break your brain and you have a sense of humor, read on. This one's for the Doom fans! One sho


The Doppelganger Spell

By Purrsia Kat

"This better work," Cossack muttered to himself as he emerged from the forest and into the moonlit path that lie before the Castle of Lions. When Haggar first proposed they take advantage of the dual absences of Lotor and Captain Keith, he wondered what the old witch was driving at. Surprisingly, it wasn't the old run-down-to-Arus-with-a-robeast-and-get-your-butt-kicked plot, but then they could have done that with Lotor around. However, he was out on some planet-conquering mission and wouldn't be back for days. Perhaps Haggar knew Lotor wouldn't go for this plot as down on her magic as he tended to be and it was one she had been saving up her dark sleeve for just such an occasion.

Regardless, he was here now and hoped her dark magic worked. Though he had to admit, at first he balked at being "transformed" into the Captain of the Voltron Force. Naturally, Cossack assumed he'd take the Earthman's bodily form and frankly, he'd have to say no thanks to that. But looking down at himself, he was the same old Cossack. Haggar assured him, however, that to all eyes on Arus, he would appear and sound just like the handsome leader of the Voltron Force. Other Doom forces should have ambushed the real Keith on his way to investigate disturbance in Queen Orla's kingdom by now. So it was his job to act like he was "Keith" on his way back from the mission, gain entry to the Castle, sabotage some stuff and maybe swipe the Black Lion.

Taking a deep breath, he began the walk across the bridge that spanned the Castle of Lions' moat and eyed the guards at the opposite end warily. If this didn't work, he still had a weapon to defend himself, but it was a long run back to his transport, and he'd curse the old witch's name the entire way. Cossack thought his worst fears were coming true when the guards leaned forward as he neared and eyed him closely.

_Great, _Cossack groaned inwardly. _Why do I listen to that broken down bag of hocus-pocus? Why?_

"Captain Keith?" called one of the guards.

Cossack startled and looked quickly behind him before he winced, realizing that they must be talking to **him**. He was going to have to get used to this fast, before he went and blew the whole thing.

"Y-yes," Cossack replied as he turned back to face the pair, and to his own ears he sounded like he always did. But apparently, the spell was working for the guards didn't react.

"Well, what happened to your steed, sir?" asked the other guard. "Are you alright?"

Cossack resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead. The details always got them. He had to think fast.

"I'm afraid the horse didn't survive the fight with those Doom marauders causing trouble out there tonight, but I took care of them," Cossack assured the guards hoping they bought it.

To his relief they seemed satisfied, and why wouldn't they? That would also explain why it took "Keith" so long to return to the Castle. Cossack beamed with pride at his ability to think on his feet. With no further ado, the guards let Cossack pass into the Castle – he was in!

He hoped the late hour would mean most of the Castle staff and most of all, the Voltron Force, would be retired to their rooms. The less interaction he had with them, disguised or not, the better – or so he figured.

Cossack began wandering the halls of the Castle, hoping to find the control room and cause a little trouble. Or at least figure out how things worked so he wouldn't look like a fool come daybreak. However, he hadn't gotten very far when a frail, feminine voice called from behind him.

"Keith!"

Again, Cossack was slow to react, but it seemed to work in his favor this time.

"Wait up, Keith," she insisted, and he slowly turned to face her. It was Pinky herself, Princess Allura, and Cossack could tell by the lovey-dovey look in her big blue eyes she saw nothing but Keith looking back at her. She reached out and took his hand in both of hers. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened before you left."

Cossack just smiled faintly and tried not to look too bewildered. _Crap, _he thought, _this is going to be harder than I thought._

Pinky didn't seem to notice and continued to prattle on. "I never should have questioned your decision to go out there alone. I guess it's just Nanny rubbing off on me," she admitted with a nervous titter.

Cossack resisted the urge to laugh himself at the literal mental image of the fat governess rubbing off on the Princess, but somehow he managed to hold his composure. He tried to think of how Keith would respond, but feared the more he opened his mouth the more chance he'd have of tipping his hand. So, he just patted her hands reassuringly and hoped she'd run along off to bed so he could get to work. No such luck.

"I was so worried about you. I had this awful feeling something terrible happened to you," she confessed. "I couldn't sleep."

Cossack did his best to smile sweetly, even though the girl's earnestness was making him rather ill. If she only knew! With any luck, the real Keith's skull had long been clubbed in by some Doomite robot, or at least he hoped they were smart enough not to play around with the we'll-keep-them-alive-long-enough-to-escape route again. He was simply going to make sure that there was no chance Voltron would ever fly again, just in case they got ideas about replacement pilots or any other such nonsense.

"Thanks, Princess. I'm fine, as you can see. Now, you should really try to get some rest."

Cossack turned to go but found the Princess unwilling to let go of his hand. He paused, wondering what that glimmer in her eyes was all about until she suddenly sprung up on her toes and laid a kiss on him.

_Whoa!_

Who knew Miss Proper Pinky was so forward! His mind reeled, wondering how Keith would be expected to react. Cossack was pretty sure he'd seen those two make eyes at each other before – and face it, a pretty chic was kissing him, even if she did wear way too much pink. Both were great reasons to gracefully accept the affection.

He watched as she pulled away from him and took a quick look down the hall. "Come on," she whispered while tugging on him to follow her.

This wasn't part of the plan, but for now he saw no way convincing way of losing Pinky, so he'd have to follow along for now. He ran behind her as she led him by the hand down the hall, and he nearly tripped on her stupid ball gown more than once. Women were confounding creatures.

Finally, she led them into a moonlit room where he could make out an ornate and grand bed in the middle of it. Judging by all the frilly dressings on the bed and canopy, he'd have to say this was a chic's room. She finally stopped and turned to face him when they stood before an impressive wall of windows that showcased the clear, starlit sky.

She stood very close, and Cossack could detect some manner of fragrance she wore – it was like being in a field of sweetly scented flowers and it made his nostrils itch. Why someone would want to smell like a plant, he had no idea.

Allura reached up and gently caressed his cheek, and Cossack wondered what this was leading to. Dare he assume?

"Keith," she whispered huskily. "We've played this coy game for a long time, but after tonight, I don't want to play anymore. Time may not be a luxury we have."

Cossack couldn't help but arch a brow. Oh really?

"All the pressure and the stupid rules, I want to forget them," she went on. "I love you, Keith. I know you love me."

Cossack just nodded numbly while trying to ignore the imaginings of what Lotor would do to him if this were leading where Cossack was pretty damn sure it was leading. "Princess…" he croaked out. But he was grateful when she hushed him by tenderly laying her index finger over his lips before he said something stupid or crass.

"Shhhh," she silenced him. "Let's make love tonight, Keith. I want to give myself to you."

Cossack hoped she didn't notice his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. For a brief second, he thought again about the dangers of deviating from the plan and Lotor's wrath if Cossack took his virginal love this night, but then…it was **him** putting his hide on the line for the most crucial part of this mission and as far as he was concerned, this was one of the perks. He had no particular affection for Allura – he definitely didn't see why Lotor obsessed over her like he did – but there was one thing he had to agree with the dark prince on and that was…this chic was _hot. _And hey, this was **her** idea, not his. So who was he to argue?

While he'd been mulling such deep thoughts, Allura had stepped back and unzipped her gown down the back. She never took her eyes off Cossack as she tugged at the shoulders of the gown, causing it to loosen off her bosoms and fall in a satiny heap around her ankles. She stood before him gloriously nude save for some lacy pink underwear.

Cossack's jaw went slack and he simply gaped at her form. He honestly couldn't imagine Keith's reaction being any different.

"Don't you want me, Keith?" she asked with a slight pout.

_Hell YES!_ Cossack's mind screamed. If she was going to throw herself at him naked, how could he say no?

Rather than blurt out what he was thinking, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to the expansive bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked up at him with adoration, causing Cossack to stifle a snicker. This was Haggar's best spell ever. He'd really have to get the hag a nice gift for this one.

Reminding himself to lay her gently onto the bed rather than tossing her, he got down to business. Once she was lying down on her back, he remained standing at the bedside as he worked her lacy panties down over her pale, lean legs and flung them carelessly aside. Then he quickly stripped off his clothes, save for his tri-horned helmet and stood before her triumphantly. Though she seemed to like whatever it was she saw – some skinny pale pilot with a bad haircut, no doubt – he regretted for a moment she couldn't see his magnificence for what it really was. But then, he reminded himself, she wouldn't be laying herself out for **him** like a smorgasbord, either.

"Be gentle," she requested as he lowered himself onto the bed.

_Yeah, right lady, _he thought while trying not to shake his head at how these humans treated the mystique of virginity with kid gloves. Outwardly, he mustered the most syrupy, dopey smile of reassurance he could before he gave her what she asked for.

* * *

The next morning at the breakfast table was awkward to say the least. The rest of the Voltron Force kept eyeing Cossack strangely and he wondered if the spell was wearing off or something. Until the one called Lance elbowed him mid-meal and winked at him."I see your bed went without being slept in and there was some, uh, noises coming from the Princess's room last night..." The Red Lion pilot was about as subtle as a robeast in a field of daisies.

On Doom, Cossack would greet such an astute observation with a high five and use it as an invitation to brag. Of course, he'd have to embellish a bit – the whole thing lasted five minutes if that and he fell asleep afterwards – but to his credit, it **had** been a while since he'd been with a woman. All that effectively dashed his plans to poke around the Castle undercover of darkness. But hey, he got to poke around elsewhere and her being a virgin, she didn't know the difference as far as the short performance, so everyone wins! However, Cossack was quite sure the uptight captain would be more of a boring gentleman about it, so he decided to look appropriately appalled at Lance's remark. He also stifled a quip about just why Lance was up so late himself, and so concerned about "Keith's" love life.

"Drop it, Lance," Cossack warned him, keeping his voice low as not to attract the attention of the rest of the Hormone Force. He started to get the feeling this group of goodies were the most sexually repressed bunch he'd ever seen if the Princess getting laid was the height of their day. Stuff like this just wasn't a big deal on Doom. If this much of a scene were made every time Lotor got some, for instance, they'd never get anything done.

From the head of the table, Allura kept making doe eyes at Cossack and he suddenly had the urge to get out of there. The big deal they were all making out of a little shag was mind boggling to Cossack – that and the food on Arus outright sucked.

Before he could affect an escape, Nanny stormed in with Allura's bed sheets gripped in her meaty fist and furry marred her face. Coran trailed the rotund governess, and he stood there wringing his hands nervously. _He's whipped,_ Cossack thought with apt amusement.

"Princess!" Nanny barked. "Come here young lady and explain yourself."

Allura flushed a bright red on her cheeks and muttered her excuse to leave the table. She walked briskly over to the doorway where Nanny and Coran stood, and discussed things in hushed tones. Meanwhile, the boys Cossack sat with did some whispering – and snickering – of their own as theories flew about what Nanny was in a lather over.

Cossack wanted badly to gloat, but instead regarded his "teammates" with righteous indignation. "You should be ashamed of yourselves," he intoned. "Allura deserves more respect than this." How he formed those words without laughing – and be damned, but he almost called her "Pinky" out loud – he did not know. He was more talented than he even knew, he guessed.

He suddenly lurched forward as Nanny slapped him hard in the back of head.

"What the hell!" he blurted out, forgetting his composure. He turned and glared at the woman, who had the blood dotted sheet shoved in his face for his inspection. The little one, Pidge, was across the table having himself a good old time doubled over in laughter. Cossack found it all annoying.

"What have you done?" Nanny demanded. "What have you done to our beautiful Princess?"

Lance was ever-helpful with his well-timed suggestions. "Maybe you should spank Allura again."

Cossack was convinced. These people were nuts.

Nanny turned her glare briefly on Lance. "Be quiet, you!" She then turned her attention back to the befuddled Cossack. "I'm waiting, Keith. Explain yourself."

What was the big deal, he wondered. If you asked him, she was far too old to still be a virgin and getting laid probably did her more favors than harm. He wanted to roll his eyes at the whole affair. "Well, she asked for it!" he blurted without thinking.

Nanny gasped in horror and the Princess went positively white with shock. "Keith," Allura half whimpered, half whined.

Oh, was he not supposed to say anything? Damn, but it was hard to play a gentleman. But hey, she shouldn't throw herself at a guy if she didn't want the reputation that goes with it. He supposed he should attempt an apology, anyway.

Cossack rose from his seat and did his best to look contrite. "Hey, I'm sorry but the Princess and I are in love," he declared. "Deal with it."

Nanny seemed untamed by the news. "Love is not enough, young man. Coran and I have discussed it. You will do right by the Princess and marry her. And none of you," she continued, giving each member of the Voltron Force the evil eye in turn, "will breathe a word of this misconduct to a soul. As far as Arus is concerned, the Princess will marry her hero as a virgin."

"Yes ma'am," Pidge piped up, and Cossack was amused to see the runt actually looked scared of the woman. He had to wonder how this crew continually confounded Zarkon's efforts. This was so painfully **lame**.

As for getting married, he wasn't too worried. He'd be long gone by then.

"I only hope she's not pregnant already," Nanny continued, fretting anew. "You must marry straight away, tonight. Just in case."

_Or not,_ Cossack lamented. He'd have to play along for now as he realized Nanny ran the show – the Princess certainly wasn't asserting any authority. Boy, Haggar was going to kill him if Lotor didn't get to him first.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a chaotic blur as the Castle buzzed with activity. Several times Cossack tried to slink off on his own so he could do what he came there to do, but it was no use. The all-out fuss these people were making first about a little sex and then about a stupid wedding was driving Cossack insane. Lotor could have Pinky if this was the price one had to pay for banging her.

Finally, in the late afternoon, Cossack caught a moment of peace. Long enough, at any rate, for Coba to make an appearance in Keith's quarters and allow Cossack a means of communicating with the old witch via a crystal-ball shaped medallion hanging from the blue cat's collar.

Coba sat on the bed near Cossack, and the orb on his collar clouded up. When it cleared once again, a miniature visage of Haggar appeared in it.

"Cossack," the old hag hissed. "What in Zarkon's name are you doing? I would have expected you'd be back here with the Black Lion by now."

Cossack shrugged sheepishly. "Some things…came up," he said weakly, trying not to notice he'd made quite the double entendre.

Haggar groaned in frustration. "I know all about it, you idiot. I'm a witch, remember? I should have known better than to send a walking penis to do a witch's job. This is why I never used the Doppelganger Spell on Lotor!" She then muttered something else unintelligible about Lotor.

"Um, don't tell Lotor, okay?" Cossack begged. He could explain – he hoped – but he didn't want to if he didn't have to.

Haggar broke into cackling laughter. "Five minutes – I'm sure the Princess was disappointed that her romantic dreams of lying in her captain's arms were reduced to a rough, short, and sweaty romp in the sheets. Way to go, Cossack."

"That's five minutes more than anyone else has had with Pinky," Cossack laughed, happy to finally be able to gloat to his heart's content. "I ought to stay long enough to show her a **real** good time. I know I can do way better than that." Though it amused Cossack that the quick performance would be blamed on Keith.

"Just get out of there, fool. The spell wears off tonight!" With that, Haggar's image disappeared and the orb swirled with fog once again. Coba leapt off the bed and made himself scarce.

Oh man, he had to get out of there but how? The Castle was swarming with people and there was no way that overbearing blowhard, Nanny, was going to let "Keith" abandon her precious Allura on their wedding day. Cossack got off the bed and went to the window to see if there was any way he could get out that way and maybe scale the Castle wall to sweet freedom. He was so lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed someone come into the room.

"Keith?" came Allura's sweet voice from behind Cossack.

"Huh?" he muttered, whirling around to face her.

She looked so apologetic; it was hard not to feel a spark of pity for the naïve thing. "I'm sorry about all of this," she began. "But I don't regret it. If I had to do it over again, I'd change nothing!"

Cossack had a wicked thought. The mission was already blown – that much was clear. So why shouldn't he be likewise?

"My love," he replied, "my only regret is that I didn't take the time last night to properly make love to you." Cossack had no idea where the inspiration for such sap was coming from, but it was clear that it was working wonders on Pinky. He brushed her ever-reddening cheek with the back of his hand. "I got a little carried away."

"Oh," she softly mewed, looking up at him with the glassy eyes of a love struck fool. "Perhaps you'll show me tonight, after we're wed?"

"I was thinking…" he began idly, as his finger traced over her jaw line and down the silky skin of her neck. "I could show you now."

"But Nanny – "

Cossack cut her off short. "Don't – I mean, **do not** mention her. Please. Kills the mood."

Allura nodded, but was still clearly worried about being interrupted.

"Just lock the door," Cossack urged her, incredulous the woman was that slow on the uptake.

Allura practically skipped across the room and with a devious giggle, locked the keypad that controlled the automatic doors to Keith's bedroom. Cossack figured she was lucky she was so hot, because otherwise, she'd just be purely annoying. To his shock, she ran back across the room and leapt into his arms while showering him with kisses.

Once he got her to calm down a bit, he led her over to the bed. "This time," he explained coyly, as he disrobed and sat on the bed, his back resting against the headboard, "there's something you can do to help me…do better."

Allura cocked her head to one side, looking the picture of attention and curiosity.

"With your mouth," he continued. "You can sort of…prime me for action." It was the best he could explain without being crude and he hoped the naïve girl got what he was driving at.

At first, it didn't look like it was sinking in, but then Allura's eyes grew wide. "R-really?" she asked, glancing down at Cossack's exposed manhood with reluctance.

"You don't have to, love," he quickly amended. "But it'll give me great pleasure and eventually, you as well." He sure hoped she took the bait. If she did and he ever got back to Doom in one piece, he wouldn't be able to resist bragging about getting prim and proper Pinky to do the down and dirty to him. That would be worth Lotor's jealous wrath!

Allura batted her long lashes at him. "I so want to please you, my captain," she said breathlessly as she leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

And then to Cossack's amazement and amusement, she went down.

* * *

Hours later, the pair hastily dressed as an impatient cacophony urged them on from the other side of the door. _Now that,_ Cossack thought, very pleased with himself, _was a proper Cossack performance!_ Her oral skills weren't the best, but he cut her slack for lack of experience. Part of him had so wanted to release in her face, just for the pure joy of seeing her royal highness in such a state, but he resisted for his ego trumped that urge. No, he wanted her to get a real taste of Doom lovin'. And judging by her dazed but pleased expression, she had no complaints.

As he was zipping up, he couldn't resist getting verbal confirmation. "Satisfied, love?"

"Very," she replied happily, casting him another of her dopey love-filled looks. "But I have to say…it always feels…bigger than I expect. And I can definitely bend in ways I never thought I could," she sheepishly admitted while giggling.

Cossack grinned broadly at what she gave away, but then what Earth pilot was going to measure up to a Doomite?

The pair stumbled out of the room finally, looking sweaty and disheveled much to Nanny's utter dismay.

"Honestly!" Nanny shouted. "You two just can't control yourselves. Come, Princess. We have to freshen you up before you're late for your own wedding."

As Nanny led Princess away, she cast Cossack one more adoring and knowing look over her shoulder. All Cossack knew is that he could use something to eat – and a nap – right about now. But he was faced with the remainder of the Voltron Force still standing in the hall and staring at him with a mix of admiration and awe.

"Well," Cossack told them with a shrug. "Nanny was already bent out of shape, so…"

"Man!" Lance lamented. "If I knew all you had to do was sleep with Allura to get to marry her---"

He was cut off abruptly by Hunk slugging him in the arm. "A little respect, please?" the big guy insisted.

"I'm starved," Cossack admitted. "Is there any food around here or did you eat it all, Hunk?" The food on Arus may suck, but dammit, he'd worked up an appetite that needed sated by _something._

As the team showed him the way to some grub, Cossack tried desperately to think of a way to slip away.

* * *

He now regretted eating, because he felt like he was going to throw up as he stood with a beaming Allura on the ruins of the cathedral outside the Castle at nightfall – with practically the entire planet's population, or so it seemed, staring at them. They all still saw him as Keith, of course, but Haggar's warning about the spell wearing off nagged at Cossack. He was dead meat if it wore off anytime soon.

Cossack shifted his weight from foot to foot as the long-ass ceremony dragged on and on. These humans were baffling with the measures they went through for the stupidest things. You'd think something more than their Princess wanting to get some action would cause such a stir. Cossack couldn't wrap his mind around the madness but he wished it would just be over.

Finally, it came to the part where they were to kiss to seal the deal. But just as Allura's puckered lips neared his, her eyes flew open wide and she shrieked like he'd never heard a woman shriek before. And he was pretty sure somewhere her old man was rolling over in his grave.

Cossack knew the jig was up. He turned to the stunned crowd and waved nervously. The Voltron Force, who stood nearby, quickly changed their expressions from shocked beyond belief to quite angry, and that was all the cue Cossack needed to make a dash for it.

"Thanks for the romp in the sheets," he said hastily to a still-stunned Allura. "But you need to work on your blow job form."

Allura looked as if Cossack had smacked her, and she fainted from, he supposed, the utter humiliation of it all. Her fainting did him a favor, for at least two out of the remaining three Voltron Force members stopped to catch her.

Only Lance was after him as Cossack did his best to dodge his way through the crowds in an effort to make it to the cover of the forest. Lucky for him, the Arusian citizens were either too shocked or fearful to do much to stop him, so all he really needed to do was lose Lance.

As Cossack broke free of the last of the crowd, he resisted the urge to look back and made a bolt for the tree line. There waiting for him was Haggar with a transport.

"Get in, fool," she greeted him. "I'll take care of Lance **and** the real Keith."

Cossack would have made a smart remark about how he wished she'd already done that, but if it got his ass out of the vice, he wasn't going to argue.

Just as the two were boarding their coffin-like transport, Doom bound, Cossack was amazed to see Lance come into the forest where a weary Keith lie on the ground, and instead of helping his friend Lance proceeded to beat on the man.

"Has he gone insane?" Cossack wondered.

Haggar laughed knowingly, and Cossack hated it when she stalled for dramatic effect. "I used the Doppelganger Spell on Keith, except now they think he is you! It'll wear off next evening, but by then the poor bastard will have been put through the wringer by his own friends."

"Excellent!" he declared as the coffin lid closed and they lifted off.

Cossack made the trip back to Doom marveling at his good fortune.


End file.
